Recently my sister found a poem I’d written a few years ago. I cried as I read it…and remembered.
So, on this Easter morning, I’d like to share it with you.
40 Days
When you have spent 40 days in the desert
And wondered if you are losing your mind
And perhaps in some moments you did
Rational thought seemed far away
A distant memory
Survival
Desperation
Longing
Loneliness beyond understanding
Bone ripping pain
No facilities for care
It is wild
It is a wild journey
Of the soul
You quake from the cellular level
A death occurs
Of yourself
And you surrender to this death
A profound letting go
Of all you know
Of safety
Security
Known sign posts
All gone
Gone
Left barren
Disoriented
And
Then…
Dead
Dead in the dry wild
Air
Of the desert
Night
Silence
Stillness
Then…
To your crazed mind
You find that your heart
Is still beating
Or has returned to beating?
Where does death end
And living begin?
The lines are blurred
And so with mud caked skin
Wild hair
Torn nails
Bleeding palms
Crawling in the sand
You land
In a new place
And the sound of singing
The sound of cheers
Are baffling
Have they been with me all along?
I thought I was alone
But they were there
Calling to me
To carry on
Keep walking
Crawling
Being
And the song
Begins to fill me
Cell by cell
Until
All are vibrating
And transforming
From the centre
Outwards
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
© 2008 Cathy AJ Hardy
