Vertigo
Recently I learned first-hand the dizzying experience of vertigo, and that for me, vertigo was caused by crystals dislodged in the inner ear and floating in the labyrinth canals. These crystals, when dislodged, cause a person to lose the ability to have balance and to have any sense of stability. In fact, opening one’s eyes can feel frightening as everything looks like it is spinning around. This experience can cause motion sickness, which it did for me, and a profound experience of disorientation.
Being so disoriented physically wasn’t fun at all and seemed to get worse upon the difficult events of the passing of my father and then, 9 days later, the passing of my dear friend Elsie. The irony of this for me was an invitation to teach with Spiritual Directors International in the month of January – with the subject being … Transformation through the Pathway of Disorientation. Who had picked this crazy title? Me.
Back in October when SDI had reached out to me, inviting me to teach, they kind asked; “What would you like to present on?” I had come up with this title as I had reflected on this subject for many years – how our transformation doesn’t always arrive when we are gliding through life – but when things are a bit turned upside down; perhaps we are shaken loose of our stronghold on a certain idea, person, or expectation. And that experience of shaking, whether physically, emotionally, spiritually, or psychologically, is downright disorienting.
I had no idea back in October, that I would enter two of the most disorienting months prior to this teaching experience. Just before Christmas, the vertigo experience began. I lay sick for two days and I was afraid to open my eyes because of the movement. I stabilized enough to enjoy Christmas with my family, but with the passing of my father on December 28, the symptoms returned. I was just recovering again a week later, when my dear friend Elsie died, and once again the disorientation flooded me.
With the help of a physiotherapist, the crystals were able to find their way back home where they belonged and the symptoms have all but fully gone. There was a powerful moment when the physiotherapist told me to focus my gaze on his gaze as he put my head back into a position to help the crystals move. The room was swimming around and I was distressed with the overwhelming swirling around me, but slowly I was able to focus on his eyes which were steady, kind, and grounded. This experience felt symbolic for me as how we can move through turbulence while focusing our energy on a source of rootedness in love. The lessons of disorientation have only continued.
In my work as a spiritual companion, facilitator, and mentor, I listen to many stories. I’m tracking with the pulse of those around me. Many, if not all of us, are sensing increasing levels of disorientation with the shifting politics and global landscape. Our world at large is undergoing tremendous disorientation. What has felt secure, stable, and immovable, is suddenly swirling with unknowns all around us. This can cause tremendous stress in our bodies, our hearts, and our minds.
How do we respond in disorientation? It is natural to clench, to be protective, to allow anxiety to put us in a reactive posture. But clenching, tightening of the muscles, as I experienced on a physical level, only increases disorientation. Transformation, growth, new ways of thinking in times of stress comes in a paradoxical way, a way of softening and opening rather than tightening.
Being with disorientation isn’t fun. It may rattle us and make us feel unsure of ourselves and the ground we are standing on. However, it is the way through – to be with, to stop, to pause, to anchor into a knowing, a truth, a reality that is deeper than the disorientation. In our culture there is tremendous pressure to move quickly, to know your words, to accomplish a task. But when we are disoriented, we can’t move quickly, know our words, or accomplish the next task. We need to pause.
Pausing intentionally to wait, to listen, to find a reorientation can bring tremendous new insights, awareness, and wisdom. Our world is in great need of people who are listening to wisdom and able to move in a non-reactive way. Pausing, taking time to breathe and listen, is so simple and yet so full of possibilities for us.
I am more convinced than ever before that if we pause, we can receive tremendous wisdom for the days we are in. There is an inner wellspring that lives in each of us, a wellspring of life. When we pause, we can access this well – when we open to the wisdom of the soul, we will find reorientation and clarity for our next step.
How does a person pause? I wanted to share some resources that help me pause when I’m disoriented, angry, hurt, confused, or having a post-trauma response to a situation. These ways of pausing are anchors in the work of Soul Care. If you are interested in learning more about Soul Care, please feel free to reach out.
Here are some tools to help you pause:
Music: Enter the Stillness Meditation Album Spotify / Psalm 23 on YOUtube
Interactive Book for one year: Pause, A Year of Soulful Meditation
Courses: Soul Care Year One – receiving applications now for spiritual formation class September 2026 – July 2027
Half Day On-line Retreat on Disorientation: May, 29th, 2026 Info coming soon
Spiritual Direction: Consider one-on-one accompaniment for your life
