Two of my greatest teachers are stillness and surrender. Sometimes words have come into my life that have shaped and formed me – leading me into understanding.
I remember the season of my life I was so angry and tempted towards bitterness and resentment. In the night, I felt this word coming towards me like a living energy – it was the word, Magnanimous. Magnanimous. I didn’t know what that even meant. But all night I said it over and over in my mind so I wouldn’t forget it. In the morning, I looked up magnanimous, and I was shocked and so deeply impacted to understand that this word meant to be larger than petty irritants. Somehow, this word came to me in a time of need and taught me that I could find a way beyond my reactivity and touch into a largeness of soul that viewed the issues I was facing as mere irritants – not something to be largely invested in with rumination.
So much of our energy can be consumed with irritants! We can spend our time managing situations, people, and lose sight of our own creativity, dreams, and calling. This is where the words stillness and surrender have come in. Stillness – 30 years ago, I had my first taste of entering stillness as I entered into 5 minutes of silence with a group of people exploring contemplation. I was so uncomfortable and struggled to be present to my own body and soul. But those 5 minutes were like tasting a wonderful new meal that I had never had before. Even though it was different, I developed an appetite for the gift of this food, and began to seek it out. Stillness taught me to pause, to breathe, and eventually, to be fully present. Howard Thurman, who was like a spiritual director to Martin Luther King Jr, wrote about having an “Island of peace within one’s own soul”. Stillness lead me to this island of peace, a place of inner calm.
We all need safety – and without safety we can’t really be free to be ourselves. But what most people don’t even realize, is that they need to find safety within their own selves. Most people are struggling to be present with their own experiences, feelings, longings, etc. To become safe with the self yields being able to be safe for others. Stillness is the road that can lead to safety with self – learning to listen and rest, learning to acknowledge difficult things and not turning away from own’s own truth. It takes courage to be still. For in stillness, there is a truth-telling that unfolds. In my work as a spiritual director, I listen to many people in this place through the stillness that is created through listening and attentiveness. Sometimes the truth that emerges is surprising – as most have not been still enough to truly listen to themselves. But as Jesus taught, the truth of the soul does liberate us – even if it takes tremendous courage.
The word surrender, can feel a little daunting – as we live in a culture where domination of others has been normalized. Surrender to an abusive power is obviously repulsive and sickening. So what is a healthy surrender – a surrender that leads to life? I think we all know there is much of life we cannot fully grasp or comprehend. There is a mystery to the vastness of the universe and if we are open to the concept of a Loving Force – a Creator, then there are moments in life we are invited to surrender to this profound mystery, yielding our knowing and trusting something larger than ourselves. At times, this Presence may feel as intimate as our next breath and at other times, we may not be so aware of this Love.
If we have known abuse through a religious system or through an abusive relationship, or if we have mastered much in our life through our own efforts and intelligence, it will be very difficult to enter into surrender. However, we ALL face moments that invite us to trust. We ALL face moments where we simply do not know – and these moments invite us to surrender. What shifts this into something beautiful in my perspective, is to know I am surrendering to Love. If Christ is the mirror of what God is, then surrendering into this pure loving energy is the best place I can be. It is the safest and truest place I know.
It takes profound courage and trust to surrender – and yet, it is like a seed that travels deep into the earth, surrendering its familiar coat and being exposed into the darkness of soil. The seed surrenders to a journey of being reborn and as it has gone down, it then rises into new life. From the stillness of the darkness, the seed opens into becoming its full self.
The way of wisdom is stillness and surrender and if we look at the garden, we see this echoed in the fabric of creation. Life, life, life is rooted in surrender and stillness.
May we not be afraid to become still and surrender to the journey of our lives – trusting the way of Love, and trusting the way of transformation.
