And what is your name?
One of the memories I carry from my childhood is the sound of my father singing to me from the doorway of my bedroom, guitar across his knee. One of his favourite songs was based on the story of Jacob’s ladder, a vision that the Old Testament patriarch figure of Jacob saw of angels going up and down a ladder into heaven. This vision of Jacob’s came after a night of wrestling with an angel, or was it even more than an angel? In the morning, Jacob’s name was changed to “Israel”, One Who Wrestles with God. This was a naming moment.
Have you ever been named? Have you ever had someone recognize something within you and say, “this is who you are!” It is powerful to be named, and many ancient cultures held naming ceremonies where the whole community could celebrate who a person was or who they saw that person becoming. In my own life, the “namings” I have received have carried a weight of knowing in my being. To really be seen by another and be mirrored has helped me see myself in new ways and perhaps dare a little more to live into the name.
In my childhood, the story of Jacob’s naming was seen a little more negatively, at least in my experience. Jacob was viewed as stubborn or of a difficult nature to be one who wrestles, struggles, and fights with the unfolding story of his life. But in my adult years, I found deep solace in considering how Jacob wrestled. Wasn’t I wrestling too? I didn’t always like how I sensed I was being guided, led. It didn’t make sense to me. I’d ask “why” questions in a bit of heated frustration and enter honest debate. I have often been so confused. Why was this happening? I didn’t understand.
In time, I gave myself permission to be real, to experience wrestling as prayer. I fought. I punched. I kicked. I shouted my honest questions. At one point, I commissioned a friend to paint a female figure in a wrestling posture with an angel, to see myself as I saw Jacob. I wanted to see the sacredness of this struggle, to see this as honest prayer. It is only recently that I was recalled to the naming aspect of the story, the part of the story that happens after the night of struggle. In the morning, Jacob is “named”. He is named, One Who Wrestles with God. I see this as a blessing. Is not it a blessing to be named, to be seen, to be known?
What if there is a blessing to be known in our wrestling with the Divine? What happens when we actively engage with our questions, our struggles, our fears, our confusion? What if this kind of honest dialogue is encouraged, welcomed, and perhaps even celebrated? What if we are truly invited into a real energetic interaction with the Source of All, and this is prayer? Somehow, this encourages me.
Prayer can be challenging. It is hard to interact with something we cannot see, measure, prove, or fully touch. And yet. And yet. There are constant moments that are beyond explanation, full of mystery, and deeply personal that fill my life and open my heart to continue a journey of trust. I truly believe that this Beautiful Presence of Love (as I have come to name this ineffable Reality), is deeply attuned to each heart. I know Jesus was in profound union with this Presence and invited us to also be in union too. Could it be that Jesus also wrestled, struggled, and yet also fully surrendered to the mystery of this Presence?
I wonder, what is your name? What is your name when you enter a full and rich wrestling of your life with the Mystery of Love? May we wrestle our lives through our dark nights, and perhaps in the morning of new awareness, may we hear our names being called, names of blessing and hope for these days.
What does it mean to pray? For many of us, prayer has meant words spoken to God, the Divine, or whatever we might name the Mystery of presence. For the mystics of many spiritual traditions, prayer was more than words, it was awareness, communion, awakening. Simply becoming aware of the mystery of breathing, of being alive in one’s body, can open a space inside of gratitude for life. This itself, can be a moment of prayer. Step outside the definitions of what you have known prayer to be. Find a moment of awareness today and notice what happens within.
