Writing excerpt from the booklet, Here I Am – songs and stories
In the many adventures of my life, I have recognized one uncomfortable fact which continually occurs – there seems to always be an element of risk when one leaps into the unknown. And as I scoped the landscape for how to do the tour of 2023, I saw many risks in front of me. The largest was a financial risk. Flights, accommodations, meals, etc. How would this be paid? Personal risk was also before me. What if this was a ‘failure’ and no one came? How could I take the risk of financial loss and personal failure?
One of the truths that has emerged through learning to listen to my soul is that this journey is about faithfulness to a sense of inner call, even if I am not always able to understand why or how. Perhaps the focus on financial risk and possible failure were not helpful places to begin. As I pondered this dream, I realized I needed to begin with what was possible, what was already real, right in front of me, and that was the gift of relationships. I realized that over the many years, I had built relationships in Niagara Falls, Winnipeg, Edmonton, Cochrane and the interior of BC. What if I shared this vision of a Soul Care tour with the friendships built over the years and see if there was a resonance and possible partnership with this adventure? Perhaps this would provide the affirmation I needed to take the next steps.
Phone calls began and e-mails were sent. To my amazement, I was met with joy, love, and anticipation. “Yes, Cathy, we want you to come.” Each time I reached out, I received the affirmation my heart needed – and it was time to put dates in the schedule. It was time to form a team. It was time to buy airline tickets. It was time to leap.
Even with this sense of welcome and anticipation from each location, I became afraid many, many, times during the months of preparation. Each venue was offering a retreat experience and an evening concert. Ticket sales were slow. Would anyone come after all? Would I incur a debt that would take me years to pay? At times I was filled with great doubt.
During this time, I meditated on a scripture about the Divine doing immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine. I began to ponder this over and over. Slowly this meditation turned into a melody, and I began to sing it every day as I walked, cooked, or sat in the quiet.
“To the One, who can do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine … according to the generous love flowing through us.” I sang this over and over. Each time I did, my fears would shift, and my body would move from a tight constricting form to an open vessel. The last week before the tour began, my friend Judith and I purposely took thirty minutes to be silent and open to the ‘generous love flowing through us.’ In those times of quiet, I realized that it wasn’t important how many people came to each venue. What was important was that I was a vessel of generous love, and I was invited to carry blessing wherever I went. This awareness freed me of the need to be ‘successful’ as far as finances or numbers of attendees. My success was about my heart’s openness to carry blessing. This filled me with courage and determination.
In each location, friends joined me in times of silence and opening to this ‘generous love’ in preparation for the tour. Across the miles, we joined forces to hold a space of possibility for something good to happen in each venue – no matter how many or how few people came. A sense of team emerged, not only with the musicians travelling together, but with all the many people in each location who began to partner with the dream. People began to generously offer ways in which they could help. Transportation, lodging, meals, and more were offered unexpectedly to offset the costs of this adventure. Suprises of provision began to emerge, and our team began to experience a sense of wonder and gratitude. The song deepened and, in the
end, became an ‘encore’ song at the end of each concert:
This song began to live in me, teaching me a deep truth about generosity. I grew up in poverty, with a fear of never having enough. This fear has touched many aspects of my life, impacting my view of the Divine and limiting my understanding of what might be possible. When fear grips me, my body constricts, and my default is to want to defend what I have and live a protected and closed life. When I sing this song, I remember another reality. The nature of Love is expansive, wide, generous, and abundant. I don’t need to hoard or protect; I can give freely and without fear. The words of Mary, “let it be”, also teaches me – to not fix, control, or manage what is not mine to be responsible for. There are elements in life that are beyond my doing. In these, I need to trust. Mary has been one of the great teachers of my life, and her courage to “let it be” holds her gift of trust in a process that was beyond her doing. This song calls me into that posture of prayer.
To the One
To the One, who can do immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine
According to the generous love flowing through me
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Let it be, let it be.
In the world at this time, we know much fear and anxiety. We can forget we have access to a generous love which flows through us. May this song open our hearts beyond our fear, and create an openness to the real and powerful presence of Love always available and full of kindness, goodness, and truth. May we be transformed by this Love and bearers of this Love.
